The Pink Taco is a pretty strange place. Its chief inhabitants are 1. Douchebags 2. Cougars 3. Team Margarita Movie. Packs of wild Greater Striped Californian Cougars roam the bar, looking for easy prey, i.e. men around our age. This Saturday at the Pink Taco there was a particularly savage-looking pack sitting across the bar from us.
I don’t want to cast aspersions, but these girls were pretty drunk. Dan is of the opinion that they were checking us out the whole time. Dan always says “yo those cougars want a piece of you” to me so I didn’t think much of it, but as it turns out he was absolutely right. These girls are ordering drinks from suggestively shaped bottles and then demanding to hold the bottles so they can caress the highly suggestively-shaped stem. I think it might have been Grand Marnier but I’m not sure.
Saturday’s guest star at Margarita Movie was our good friend Andy. As the pack of cougars leaves, one of them comes up to him and taps him on the shoulder. She asks “excuse me - are you gay?”
Immediately I am primed and ready for something crazy to happen. I elbow Dan surreptitiously but frenetically, because his attention is required. Andy is not gay, as it happens. He tells the cougar this, and she responds: “oh, well we were trying to decide if you were, because we voted you MOST FUCKABLE.”
Team MM is stunned! And also, to be honest, slightly offended and hurt. I mean, I want to see the ranking on that vote. Did Andy get ALL the votes? Where were the rest of us? Would I have scored higher if they knew I was British? Do I feel better or worse considering the fact that these were some highly unattractive cougars? I feel like Team MM deserves another shot. If you, our readers want to make Team MM feel better then some brief googlestalking should be all you need to do to decide which of us is truly the most fuckable.
This weekend, Team MM DOUBLED UP in the name of adventure. Nothing much happened on Sunday, which disappointed me. After the vomitocaust at Zombieland, the racist incident at Clash of the Titans and Most Fuckable Andy at Kick-Ass, I need something like that to happen every time.
Kick-Ass is like, pretty good. I was sold on it. Dan and Han were pretty bored. Nicolas Cage doing an Adam West impression alone is enough for me to rate a film pretty highly.
I think the comic actually sucks pretty hard and Mark Millar is a terrible writer who panders to the lowest common denominator in an attempt to get movie option money, so pretty much all changes they made I approve of. Here’s a fun game - try and find a Mark Millar comic that doesn’t feature either rape or the threat of rape. GOOD LUCK.
AEIOU and sometimes The SCALE Scale!
S - Story: 8. It is decent.
C - Comedy: An easy 8 for Nicolas Cage as Adam West.
A - Awesomeness: 7. There’s plenty but it doesn’t really rise above.
L - Ladies: NOT MUCH because Hit-Girl is like 8. 8 years old. She’s not an 8. OH GOD CHRIS HANSEN NO!
E - Et Cetera: 7 for Andy being MOST FUCKABLE.
The other film we saw that weekend was Death at a Funeral. It sucked hard, but we can’t say any more because that would be racist and we hate racism.