Margarita Movies

Sometimes fate shines upon us and we are given *2* films that we have a passing interest in, resulting in the rare and daunting Margarita Movie Doubleheader!  Note, we do not see the films back to back, since we would be stone cold sober for the second one.  Instead we return to the scene of the crime a day later, so that we can repeat our cycles of self destruction.

I think you can see that there are so many fucking problems with this plan.  First off, on Saturday we saw DAYBREAKERS, which DAN AKA WILLIAMS has already mentioned, was a giant egg of complete shit.  Secondly, sandwiched inbetween the two screenings was DAN AKA WILLIAMS turning fucking old, necessitating even more drunken hijinks at Bird’s. There was actual photographic evidence of just how trashed we were.  I was so drunk that my nose started bleeding spontaneously once I got home.  It’s OK, I didn’t like that fucking pillowcase anyway.

So for 36 hour period I was basically binge drinking at regular 12 hour intervals.  I want to stress that this is not common and I am not an alcoholic.  And if I am, then NICK AKA ROPER needs to check into rehab much sooner than I do.  That’s NICK AKA ROPER pretending our buddy Sam is Michael Cera.  That’s right, Nick wants to tweak Michael Cera’s nipples right off of him.

Aight, now that we got that out of the way… let’s double up.  IT’S YOUR BOYFRIENDS!

Youth in Revolt finds Michael Cera as a shy, awkward teenage virgin stuck in a shitty small town and a sucky life.  This shy, awkward teenage virgin has a name but I’ve completely forgotten it, so I will simply call him Michael Cera.  I figure he couldn’t get it to work out with Maebe, Norah, Juno or that girl from Superbad so now he has to run his shy, awkward teenage virgin game on Sheeni Saunders, a trailer park girlie that loves foreign films that he pops boners for (literally) in the first reel.

This is a Quirky White Teen Movie, Indie Variant, so think Rushmore and uh, Michael Cera’s entire oeuvre.  That’s right, I used a French word.  That’s actually important, because when Cera’s attempts to woo Sheeni go awry, he develops a bad boy alter ego that also happens to be French.

TWIST!

This Mr. Hyde/Tyler Durden character has some sort of French name, but I’ve completely forgotten.  For the purposes of this review, I will call him Michel Syrah.  Once Michel Syrah shows up, I started fistpumping because I knew this movie was about to get raw.  But it does NOT.

Sure, there’s some explosions, naughty talk and some naked dudes, but it never takes off to any truly over the top laughs.  They have these great set ups with pretty lame payoffs.  These payoffs are hurt even more by the fact that THEY ARE ALL IN THE TRAILER.

In the end you’ve got a pretty enjoyable indie comedy, but nothing particularly satisfying.  The actors are kinda charming but they don’t do anything particularly good, and there’s these weird animation segues which are supposed to be cute but are really substitutions for expensive travelogue sequences.

You know what?  Fuck the rest of this review, I can barely remember this movie.

SCALE*scale time!

Story - Basic Michael Cera story.  I’ll give it a 5.

Comedy - 6.  You’ll probably smile but you won’t laugh particularly hard at anything.

Awesomeness - 3.  There’s a low rent explosion.

Ladies - Wait, how old is the female lead?  I’m gonna leave this at 0 so that I don’t get visited by Chris Hansen.  cough*realscore*cough*probablyaround7*cough

Etc - 2.  Earned by getting Zack Galifinakis on board, who is funny just standing around.

- Han

NEXT WEEK:  BOOK OF ELI